on the Details:
doesn't it work to run someone else's body with our brain?
Because there are NO neural connections between our brain and their body!
Women mistakenly believe that if they
SAY something just right, other people will HEAR the message and OBEY.
As if our words turn into magical fingers that reach across space and push their YES MA'AM RIGHT
If I had a dollar for every time a woman
has started her sentence with "I TOLD HIM...", I'd be sipping a Mai Tai on a beach in Tahiti with a diamond on my pinky
and flirting with the cabana boy!
Forget TELLING them...they
don't listen. YES...they do nod...but only to get us off their backs. When they do
DO what we say, it's because THEY want to...or because they are VERY
Stepping out of someone's business, does
not mean you do NOT care. It means you have decided to Let Go and Let God, referring,
of course, to your own higher power, even if that starts out being a doorknob!
When we are able to Let Go and
Let God miracles occur.
slogan from the Twelve Step programs (such as AA and Al Anon) reminds us that we have neither the ability nor the
right to be someone else’s savior. By stepping out of the picture,
or at least to the side, we create a vacuum...one that can be filled with solutions from a higher and wiser source.
picture for a moment your Higher Power, drumming His/Her fingers, patiently waiting for you to stop mucking around in
your loved one's life so He/She can put His/Her plan for them into action.
Does all this sound familiar?
Does the word CODEPENDENCY come
The definition of CODEPENDENCY is when you are trying
to fix someone else when you should be focusing on fixing yourself.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS...in the very best sense of that slogan.
In other words...take very good care of your own business and stop meddling
in the business of others.
But the stakes are too high, you say. What if he ends up in jail?
What if she makes a mess of her life? What if he dies? The risks are real. But the answer is the same.
We cannot run their bodies with our brain. If someone we love is determined to go down a path involving great risks,
even fatal ones, we cannot stop the process even when we put every effort into it. Calling 911 when a person is
actively harming himself or others is the only exception. But we all have heard of persons who has managed
to harm themselves even when incarcerated or in a psychiatric facility!
Sticking our version of a cushion under their little fannies as they fall,
sometimes only prolongs their addiction, their irresponsibility, or their inability to care for themselves. In
Al-Anon people learn that they didn't cause it, they can't control it, and they can't cure it...but sometimes they contribute
to it by engaging in codependent behavior. This is called ENABLING. When giving or doing for
someone leads to them getting WORSE, then you have become an ENABLER and are keeping them from recovery.
Codependents Anonymous or Al Anon are the best places to seek support. Look
in your White Pages for their number or check the FAVORITE LINKS page of this site. Also, check out the codependency book recommendations on this website.